


Some Die Young

by guardianinthesky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Child Death, Guilt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:44:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2393954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardianinthesky/pseuds/guardianinthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt: "Look at me. Just breathe, okay?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavy on the angst, so be warned.

“Just breathe,” Thor tells him, keeping his arm around Loki as he glances up at the sky once more. He has been calling out Heimdall’s name several times in the last couple of minutes. There has been no response, no sign of the bridge waiting to take them back home. He has spent only a short moment wondering what has happened up there, and what they will find when they get to come back. That is all he can afford.

“Just breathe,” he tells him again, looking back down at his brother. Even though his face is ashen, and his expression pained, Loki still manages to throw him an annoyed glare.

“What do you think I am doing, you oaf?” he tries to snap at him, but it is a weak sound, not carrying the usual bite of his insults, and Thor easily ignores it.

“He is not answering,” Loki goes on to say, tilting his head back a bit. “By the time he does, I fear it may be…” He interrupts himself by letting out a low, painful groan, and Thor immediately puts a hand against his brother’s neck, brushing his thumb against his jaw to soothe him.

“Don’t,” he tells him. “Don’t say that.” He cannot bear to hear what they both know is the truth. The damage that has been done to Loki is far too great. He is still bleeding, despite Thor having put pressure on the wound as soon as he had kneeled down next to him, and it is likely he will not make it much longer without help.

“Heimdall!” Thor calls again, but there is no answer. He can feel Loki’s body beginning to tremble in his arms, and he quickly turns his eyes back to him, tilting his head to the side as he tries to hold back the tears that have been threatening to fall for some time now.

“You fool,” he says, knowing he cannot keep it to himself any longer. He simply has to tell Loki what he has been thinking ever since he first caught sight of him when he was still in the midst of battle.   
“Why did you come? I told you… I said that it would be dangerous, you shouldn’t have…” Closing his eyes, he almost misses the way Loki shakes his head at him, as if he doesn’t want to hear it.

Thor knows he should not blame Loki for this. It is not his fault. He only came to help. Thor probably would have gotten hurt if Loki had not been here, but that is a price he would have been willing to pay. If there was anything he could have done to switch places with his brother, he would have done it. No matter the cost.

”Thor,” Loki whispers, his voice broken, yet there is a deep urgency to it that makes Thor open his eyes once more. “Thor.”

Holding his breath, Thor waits for his brother to continue. He suspects that perhaps he will tell him that he is sorry for following him, and that he should have stayed at home. Perhaps he will tell him that he loves him, or ask him to please do something to save him.

None of those things come out of Loki’s mouth.

Instead, Thor feels Loki’s hand against his own, and he glances down when he feels him pulling at it. He furrows his brow, but allows Loki to move his hand, looking at his face as he waits for some kind of explanation.

“Thor,” Loki says again, obviously trying to make him understand something. Shaking his head, Thor turns his eyes back down, wondering what it is that Loki wants from him.

That is when he realizes that Loki has moved his hand to his own stomach.

Thor stares, his mind working frantically to understand what Loki is trying to tell him, while at the same time wishing that the answer would not come to him.

Loki lets out another sob as Thor continues to stare. He shakes his head, doesn’t want to understand, doesn’t want to even consider the option.

“I was going to tell you,” Loki whispers, and Thor looks back at him once more, his vision clouded by the tears in his eyes. “I was waiting for the right…” He pauses and clenches his eyes shut for a couple of seconds, his hand shaking against Thor’s bigger one. “The right time.”

Thor does not know what to say. He has often wondered how he would react if Loki were to ever bring him such news. In his head, he would always laugh and wrap Loki in his arms, spinning him around before kneeling down so that he could press his ear against his stomach. Loki would roll his eyes at him, tell him that he was an oaf before pulling him back up again so that they could share a kiss.

His fantasy has been shattered in a matter of seconds.

He feels lost. Broken. Suddenly, he is not only losing Loki, and the thought makes his breath hitch in his throat.

“No,” he begs, shaking his head as he leans down and presses their foreheads together.

“I am sorry,” Loki says, and Thor brings his hand back up to the side of his neck, clasping it tightly as though he is trying to hold him still, trying to hold him in place even though he can feel him slipping away.

“Don’t be. Please.” He cannot stand to hear those words. He knows that he should say something else, should let his brother know that everything will be alright, but he says nothing, his shoulders shaking as sobs force their way out of his mouth.

He can feel Loki holding onto his shoulder, his nails trying to dig their way through his armor. Thor knows that he is just as desperate, that Loki doesn’t want to leave him, and he wishes that there was something he could do. Anything. Over the years he has slowly come to realize that there are some things even the God of Thunder cannot do. He has never wanted that to be a lie as much as he does now.

Loki’s hand is slipping from his shoulder, and Thor opens his eyes, his heart sinking when he realizes that Loki’s are closed.

“Loki?”

Nothing.

“Loki?” He pulls back a little bit, glances down at Loki’s side where the blood is dripping slowly down his armor. “Loki?”

Thor grabs his brother’s shoulders, shaking him roughly as he tries to ignore the growing panic inside of him. Loki makes a pained noise, and Thor’s heart nearly stops.

“Look at me,” he tells him. “Just breathe, okay?”

Slowly, Loki opens his eyes. At once, Thor almost wishes he hadn’t. He thinks he can see Loki’s life leaving him, thinks he can see it being washed away, and it is almost too painful too look at. 

“I…” Loki tries to speak, tries to make that final push of strength to let his brother know exactly how he feels, but Thor shakes his head. He doesn’t need Loki to say it. He already knows.

“It’s alright, Loki.” Thor gives him a weak smile. “I know.”

Loki nods his head only once. It seems as though that was the very thing he needed to hear, the very last thing he was waiting for. He keeps his eyes on Thor, and Thor has no choice but to return his gaze. He is holding Loki’s hand so tightly he is sure it must be hurting him, but there is no sign of it on his brother’s face. There is only those green eyes staring into his for the last time.  
The moment the light has left his brother’s eyes, Thor no longer needs to hold himself back. He quickly gathers him in his arms and weeps, his whole body shaking as he holds him.

“I love you,” he whispers over and over in between sobs, until his throat is raw and his voice has all but left him.

When the sky finally opens again after what must be several hours, Thor takes his time to carefully remove his own cape and wrap it around Loki’s cold body. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, he brushes his fingers against his cheek before lifting him into his arms. He stands up on somewhat shaky legs, and waits a moment before taking a deep breath and turning around, slowly carrying Loki over to the Bifrost to take him back home.


	2. Chapter 2

He had been sitting in the same spot for hours. The healers had already examined Loki’s body, trying in vain to get him to leave the room while they did. He had refused to step away. If there was something that needed to be done, it would have to be done in his presence. He could not leave him now. It would make it official, it would mean he had somehow been able to move past it - at least long enough to see to everything else - and that was not a step he was ready to take.

Several guards had tried to call on him to come to the throne room. Decisions needed to be made. They were at the brink of war, and Asgard still needed its king. Thor had shaken his head at all of them, not sparing any of them as much as a glance. He knew that the safety of Asgard was supposed to be his priority. Right now, though, it could wait.

All of it could wait.

Finally, he had been left alone. As soon as the last healer had left the room, he had turned his eyes up to Loki’s face. His armor had long since been removed, and most of his naked body was now covered by a thick blanket. Thor knew what he would find if he were to remove it. He had seen the bruises and the cuts as the healers had stripped Loki of his clothes in order to examine him. Most of all, he had seen the still red gash on the side of Loki’s stomach. His eyes had immediately been drawn to it, but he had been forced to look away again as his eyes quickly began to water.  
It was strange to see him like this. Now that his eyes were closed, it almost looked like his brother could have been sleeping. Of course, it hurt more and more every time he realized that he wasn’t. Loki was not going to wake up. He would never get to see him smile again. He would never get to laugh with him. He would never get to catch him rolling his eyes at something he had just said.  
He turned his eyes to one of Loki’s hands, hesitating for a moment before he put one of his own over it. Loki was cold, even colder than usual, and Thor drew in a shaky breath, mindlessly brushing his fingers over Loki’s knuckles. He kept his eyes there, even as he heard a door open and then close. He heard someone coming to stand by his side, but he stubbornly let his eyes remain on Loki’s hand, hoping for another moment of peace with him.

“Thor.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he still did nothing to acknowledge Eir’s presence, wondering if she was about to try to convince him to leave, that it was time to let go. She would fail, of course. Thor had no intention of leaving.

“Thor,” she tried again, and he slowly turned his head around, meeting her eyes and noticing a look in them that he had not seen in quite some time. Not since she had informed him that his father was not going to wake up from his Odinsleep. It was a look that scared him more than it should have, but he forced himself to keep his eyes on her, nodding his head to let her know she could continue.

“I am afraid there is something else you must know,” she began, and Thor could feel his heart fill with dread, the fingers on Loki’s hand growing still. He had already lost Loki today. He had already lost their child. Thor was quite certain he had nothing left to lose, nothing left that would be able to hurt him any further. What could she possibly have left to tell him?

“We did not know if we should tell you,” she said. “It seemed almost cruel, but then we realized that you deserve to know…” He held up a hand to silence her. He did not need to hear her reasoning.

“Eir, please. Just tell me.”

She gave him a look, and nodded her head, seemingly taking a deep breath before she continued.

“When we examined Loki’s body, we came upon something we had not expected. I know you told us that he was carrying your child, but… We found not just one child, your majesty. There were two.” 

There was a brief pause. “He was carrying twins.”

Thor could have sworn he heard something break inside of him.

He shook his head quickly from side to side, waiting for her to tell him that there had been some kind of mistake, that all of this was a lie, or perhaps even some sort of bad dream. This could not be. He had not thought it possible for the pain inside him to get any worse, but it seemed as though he had been wrong. He felt as if there was a fire within him, a fire that had gone out almost completely in the last couple of hours, but was now beginning to pick itself back up once more. He turned his eyes down to Loki, still shaking his head.

“No,” he whispered.

Twins? Loki had been carrying twins? They had created not just one, but two children together. Two beautiful children that Thor would never get to hold in his arms. He would never get to see Loki holding them in his arms. They had been taken away from him before he had been given as much as a chance to rejoice their existence. It angered him. He did not understand how the Norns could be so cruel. His family had been ripped away from him, one by one. Had he not suffered enough?

“Your majesty? Thor, you should…” He could feel Eir’s hand on his shoulder again, but he pulled away from her, quickly getting to his feet and holding his hand out. Mjölnir had been resting next to the bed, and he was able to wrap his fingers around her no more than a second later. Eir seemed to understand that there was nothing she could do to calm him down, and she left the room in a hurry, closing the door behind her.

With a loud roar, Thor threw his hammer against a table on the other side of the room. She crashed into it, immediately breaking it in half, and Thor watched as some unfamiliar pieces of equipment fell to the floor. To Hel with it. He could tear these chambers apart. He could destroy every little thing inside this room. It did not matter to him anymore.

As soon as the room was silent once more, he realized that it had not been quite as satisfying as he had expected it to be. Turning around, he picked up a smaller table that had been standing right behind him, throwing that against the other side of the room as well, gritting his teeth when it did not break. He called his hammer back to him in order to remedy it, a small smirk on his lips as soon as she hit her target. Once again, though, it did nothing to dull the ache in his chest.

Thor let out a frustrated grunt and looked down at Loki, breathing heavily from his little tantrum. The pained sob that escaped his lips came as a complete surprise to him, and he practically fell back down onto the chair he had been sitting on, his hands trembling as he put them against Loki’s covered belly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, tears already slipping down his cheeks. “I am so sorry.” Moving his hands away from Loki, he put them over his own face, sobbing into them with his eyes clenched tightly shut. He continued to murmur his apologizes, over and over again, as though there was a chance that Loki would finally be able to hear him.

“I failed you.” He let his still trembling hands fall back down to the blanket again, moving them until he found one of Loki’s hands. “I failed you,” he said again, lifting Loki’s hand and pressing it against his own cheek, hoping it would be able to bring him some form of comfort.

“I failed them.” His blurred gaze was once again drawn to Loki’s midsection, and another set of sobs forced their way past his lips, his entire body shaking with them. He kept holding on to Loki’s hand, pressing it harder against his own cheek as he continued to cry.

Eventually, he realized that the hand against his cheek was not enough. He got up from his chair once more, and carefully moved Loki’s body a little bit, making room for himself on the bed. Slowly lying down next to him, he put his head against the pillow and wrapped his arms around Loki, bringing his limp body closer to his own chest.

He stroked his fingers through Loki’s hair, his eyes stinging from still unshed tears. His mind felt numb once more, and he allowed himself a moment of wishing that he would be able to stay like this. He knew that he would have to leave, knew that he would have to find some way of gathering whatever strength he had left in order to get back to his duties, but that time was not now. He was so tired. He was somewhat startled to realize that he had been up since yesterday morning, when he had woken to find Loki watching him with a look in his eyes that Thor had not been able to figure out. When he had asked him about it, Loki had simply kissed him, before letting him know that he was hungry and that he had been waiting for him to finally wake up. Thor could distinctly remember Loki calling him an oaf, and he smiled, his arms around his brother tightening a bit once his mind was pulled back to the presence. His eyes quickly grew wet again, and he pressed his lips to Loki’s forehead, closing his eyes in a last attempt at shutting it all out. 

It didn’t work. The pain was still there, was still a constant reminder of everything that had happened in the last couple of hours. He breathed a heavy sigh, and he slowly began to move his fingers through Loki’s hair again. He stayed like that for quite some time, while his mind was desperately trying to force him to go to sleep. Eventually, he realized that he could fight back no longer, and he fell into a deep slumber, a small part of him hoping that he would be given a chance to forget everything that had happened, just for a little while, even if that meant waking up with a smile on his face - a smile that would fade away quickly, once he remembered that Loki was no longer able to return it.


End file.
